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THE GIFT OF HUMAN SEXUALITY
COPING WITH BURNING SEXUAL DESIRES
Why are we sexually accountable to God?
THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE MARRIAGE
THE MALE FEMALE SEX DRIVE
THE GREAT PORN PANDEMIC IS UPON US
THE IMPACT OF PORN ON MARRIAGES
SAME SEX MARRIAGE
LGBT A STUNNING SUCCESS STORY ..OR IS IT??
THE TIME OF GREAT PERSECUTION
DELAYING MARRIAGE, THE TRUE COST FOR MANY WOMEN
The my baby's daddy syndrome
VIOLENT FAITH
COPING WITH SICKNESS/SUFFERING VIA OUR FAITH
SICKNESS AS IT RELATES TO OUR FAITH
A BALANCED EXPECTATION OF GOD
THE IMPACT OF PAIN AND SUFFERING ON FAITH
HOW TO OBTAIN TRUE CONTENTMENT PART #1
DIVORCE REMARRIAGE AND BEYOUND
BY BIRTH OR BY CHOICE?  A TRUE STORY OF DELIVERANCE
When God gives up part one
When God Gives Up part two
GIVING RISE TO THE BEST
OVERCOMING-LOVE, SEX, AND ROMANCE ADDICTION
YOUNG AND COPING, in the days of youth
THE KINGDOM
Divorce Remarriage And Beyond Part 2
THE #1 PROBLEM NO FEAR OF GOD
BEING A SOUL SURVIVOR #2
PART #2 THE MIND A JOURNEY MY STORY
REMEMBER GOD IN THE DAZE OF YOUTH
LOVING GOD FIRST, LOVING OTHERS,  GETTING A RIGHT BALANCE
BY BIRTH OR BY CHOICE?
THE SALVATION CONSPIRACY
THE MIND A JOURNEY TO SELF UNDERSTANDING
THE MIND A JOURNEY TO SELF UNDERSTANDING
HOW TO OBTAIN TRUE CONTENTMENT #2
THE GREAT REBELLION

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PART NINE IN THIS SERIES----THE MY BABY'S DADDY SYNDROME----What determines the choices we make in life, the lifestyle  we live and the very future itself can be summed up in one word, DESIRE. Before we can resolve the various conflicts in our lives, we must first come to terms, with just exactly what we want in life.  This is especially true when it comes to our effort to either enter into or avoid entering into a relationship.   Sadly for may they simply react without fully thinking things out.   In order to do this we must  understand how our value system is prioritized. 

Our affections, emotions and conduct reveals what we most desire, but these items don’t always clearly reveal why we desire certain, objects, situations, and circumstances to the degree that we do so. One of the strongest desires that dwells in many people today is sexual desire.   Many today act out their sexual desires, without giving much thought to the true consequence.   As a result we have now developed what is known as "The my baby's daddy" syndrome.  


Children being born out of wedlock, is a situation which affects people from many different racial backgrounds. But as Dr Carroll explains. “The black community's 72 percent rate eclipses that of most other groups: 17 percent of Asians, 29 percent of whites, 53 percent of Hispanics and 66 percent of Native Americans were born to unwed mothers.  Nobody talks about it’ Even in black churches, "nobody talks about it," Carroll says. "It's like some big secret." But there are signs of change, of discussion and debate within and outside the black community on how to address the growing problem.

JESSE WASHINGTON notes the following,  “One recent day at Dr. Natalie Carroll's OB-GYN practice, located inside a low-income apartment complex tucked between a gas station and a freeway, 12 pregnant black women come for consultations. Some bring their children or their mothers. Only one brings a husband.

Things move slowly here. Women sit shoulder-to-shoulder in the narrow waiting room, sometimes for more than an hour. Carroll does not rush her mothers in and out. She wants her babies born as healthy as possible, so Carroll spends time talking to the mothers about how they should care for themselves,  what she expects them to do — and why they need to get married.

Seventy-two percent of black babies are born to unmarried mothers today, according to government statistics. This number is inseparable from the work of Dr Carroll, an obstetrician who has dedicated her 40-year career to helping black women.

"The girls don't think they have to get married. I tell them children deserve a mama and a daddy. They really do," Carroll says from behind the desk of her office, which has cushioned pink-and-green armchairs, bars on the windows, and a wooden "LOVE" carving between two African figurines. Diamonds circle Carroll's ring finger.

As the issue of black unwed parenthood inches into public discourse, Carroll is among the few speaking boldly about it. And as a black woman who has brought thousands of babies into the world, who has sacrificed income to serve Houston's poor, Carroll is among the few whom black women will listen to.

"A mama can't give it all. And neither can a daddy, not by themselves," Carroll says. "Part of the reason is because you can only give that which you have. A mother cannot give all that a man can give. A truly involved father figure offers more fullness to a child's life.“ Statistics show just what that fullness means. Children of unmarried mothers of any race are more likely to perform poorly in school, go to prison, use drugs, be poor as adults, and have their own children out of wedlock.”

THE “MY BABY’S DADDY” SYNDROME-The normal pattern….The young woman after discovering that she’s pregnant, has hopes that wedlock will soon follow.  Therefore she begins to introduce the father of her child as being her  fiancée.   As time passes the young man  (the alleged fiancée )  continually puts off marrying the young woman.

The young woman finally realizes that the alleged “fiancée” has no serious  intent of marrying her. 


After the child is born, she then gives the father  a new title, which is, “my baby’s daddy.” Some seem to think that young women who find themselves in this situation, accept it as simply being the way things are.  This is not always true. An militant young women, who endured the ups and downs, of this situation  defined  it this way, She ask, “WHO IS MY BABY’S DADDY?”............... (we had to tone down her original language).

1. That sorry behind man who claims he loves you and makes you all kind of promises until you get pregnant.

 
2. That  sorry so and so who got pregnant and then got locked up.  He is the one you stood by while he was in prison: cause you had his baby and he promised to take care of you when he got out, he dipped as soon as his feet hit the outside dirt, THAT LIAR!!. .


3. That  trifling SO AND SO  that got you pregnant and stuck around for a little while till stuff got hard and then he left you for that heifer, with more kids than you got.


4. A man with who you have a child with who won't support your kid but will marry a chick with kids that don't belong to him. But he still wants to come back and sleep with you behind her back.


5. A lazy won’t half work, sperm donor (who thinks he’s a player) and only wants to be a father when he is trying to get you back in bed.


6. The dude who calls himself a player, Who you met through a friend and had sex with when you were upset and confused. Now that you got his baby, he don’t pay support and denies that it’s his.  He isn’t a player, or a payer, just a piece of (deleted).


7. A man who only shows up when he's horny, is nowhere to be found on his payday and (to avoid buying gifts for his child), swears he's a Muslim when Christmas comes around.


8. A guy who isn't your boyfriend, or your husband, or even really your friend, but happens to be the father of your child.


9. A sorry free loading guy that gets jealous when he sees his baby mama with other guys, he only comes around when he is horny and then dips to avoids paying child support..

Pregnancy should NOT be the only reason for getting married. But if the two of you sincerely care for each other and seek to do the right thing,  the Bible tells us.  Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”  Heb 13:4.

 To all who are pregnant out of wedlock, please keep in mind that God loves you and He loves your baby,  please seek to take care of both.    

As most of  us who have ever sought to be in a meaningful relationship are aware of, to be in a truly meaningful relationship  calls for much more than pregnancy and a sexual relationship. There are other aspects of the totality of who we are, which are just as critical as our sexuality.  The foundation that every positive relationship is built on is connectivity in certain critical areas,  we list these critical areas as follows:  

1. Physical connectivity-- First of all there is the aspect of us  which allows us to enter a relationship and in the process develop a physical connectivity.  *(This is the sexual aspects).   Physical connectivity consist of items which includes anything physical, such as touch, cuddling, hugging, kissing, and sex.

2. Mental Connectivity-- Then there is the mental connectivity which includes communicating and sharing ideas. Thus this is a  philosophical aspect of a connection, whereby two individuals come together to  mutually make intellectual assessments about life in general. 

 3. Emotional Connectivity--Then there is emotional connectivity,  this connections include the sharing of emotions, including developing feelings for the other person, a sense of intimacy,  falling in love. 

4. Spiritual Connectivity--- This type of connectivity is prompted in the lives of two individuals who not only value their relationship in the natural, but they mutually place an even greater value on their relationship with God. Therefore regardless of how wonderful their relationship (and subsequent marriage) might be in the natural, they both agree that their greatest allegiance is to God first and to each other second. 

This spiritual connectivity is even further enhanced as couples in this type of relationship, because they view their relationship as being part of a spiritual journey.  Couples who develop this type of connectivity are convinced that they have a purpose, and destiny, which reaches past their present life and on into eternity. 

Unfortunately for many of this generation, what is most highlighted is the sexual aspect of relationship, which eventually leads to very swallow relationships, if any relationship at all develops.   Contrary to the way our divine creator would have us view ourselves, many today have a very swallow view of themselves which in turn is reflected in the type of relationships they enter. 

Sue Bohlin  tells us,  "It’s not surprising that in a time of growing biblical illiteracy, so few people have any idea what God thinks and says about the extremely important subject of sex, commitment, and marriage. . The world holds the Christian view of sex in contempt, considering it prudish, naïve and repressive. But the Bible elevates sexuality as God’s gift to us that is both sacred and mysterious. The world’s perspective degrades it to just something that feels good—another form of recreation or socialization.

Counselor Waylon Ward offers an insightful way to understand the problem, which he calls “the Pickle Principle.” In order to make pickles, we put cucumbers in a brine solution of vinegar, spices, and water. After a cucumber soaks in the brine long enough, it is changed into a pickle. Most of us are like pickles. We sit in the brine of a sex-saturated culture, absorbing its values and beliefs, and it changes the way we think. Even most Christians are pickled today, believing and acting exactly like everyone else who has been sitting in the brine of a culture hostile to God and His Word.

The world’s sex-saturated brine includes the belief that sex is the ultimate pleasure. The message of much TV, movies, and music is that there is no greater pleasure available, and that it is the right of every individual, even teenagers, to have this pleasure. '   Not only this but the notion is now being put forth, that sex without any comittment is not the accepted norm.   'Another aspect of this pickling process is the belief that no one has the right to deprive anyone else of this greatest of all human pleasures, that no one has the right to tell anyone else what is right or wrong about the expression of his or her sexuality.

If the purpose and goal of sex is primarily pleasure, then other people are just objects to be used for sensual gratification. Since people are infinitely valuable because God made us in His image, that is a slap in the face whether we realize it or not. The Christian perspective is that the purpose of sex is relational, with pleasure as the by-product. The Bible teaches that sex welds two souls together.{3} It is so powerful that it is only safe within a committed, covenant marriage relationship. It’s like the difference between the wild energy of lightning compared to the harnessed power of electricity. God knew what He was doing when He limited sex to within marriage!

God wants to get His “pickled people” out of the world’s brine and into an intimate relationship with Him. He wants to change our thinking and beliefs to be in alignment with His."
 

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