PART SEVEN IN THIS SERIES---THE IMPACT PORN IS HAVING ON THE MARITAL BED---Perhaps the greatest impact that the internet has had on our lives is the impact it has had on our concept of human sexuality.   With the advent and rapid advancement of the internet, there has been and still is an exposure to pornographic sights and sounds, on a level that the world has never seen. 

 

Some have even coined a word, to describe this modern-day situation, it’s called “pornification.”  Which is defined as, The prevalence or normalization of sexual themes and explicit sexual imagery in popular or mainstream culture.    Porn is the new kid on the block, that has taken the world by storm. 

It is the new universally shared experience.  Our society has been "pornified." It's everywhere. It's open 24/7. And chances are good, judging from research into internet habits, that before or after reading this book, a high percentage of individuals will visit a porn site.  In fact for some of you,  Maybe you just did.

Mark Regnerus explains: “As you constantly watch many kinds of graphic sex acts, it’s likely to change your view of what sex and marriage mean. That makes sense, but I would push the argument further. Pornography doesn't’t just change what you think is possible. It changes what you want and what you think is morally acceptable.    If human beings become habituated to repeatedly performed actions, many repeated users of pornography will be all the more inclined to want and pursue the kind of sex they see.

THE OTHER WOMAN----Today's sexual landscape is having a severe impact, on the marital bed of many.  Wives are now admitting that their husband is having an affair, the likes of which they never thought of. 

This other woman is described as being young beautiful and in the prime of life.She always greets him with a seductively beautiful smile, which makes it obvious that she can hardly wait for him to get his hands on her. 

Her breasts are symmetrically perfectly  shaped,  her stomach is taut and flat.  In bed she’s always red hot and constantly begging for more,   Each hard thrust from him only causes her to scream and holler,  for even harder thrust.  She is constantly having one excruciatingly pleasurable orgasm one after the other.

In bed she is as nimble as can be, he can flip her around like a pancake in every position imaginable. If the bed is not enough, she will mate with him on the floor, on the kitchen table, or any where else that may suit his fancy. She gets hotter and hotter with every position change.

Her aggressive sexual cravings seems limitless, it’s literally “no holes are barred” (oral, anal, vaginal), she will take it anyway he wants to give it to her..  She's never tired, she never has a headache  and is always ready and available at the click of a mouse.  What is her….it’s PORN of course.

When God first instituted marriage, He did so with certain goals in mind for the man and woman He created.  These were positive goals which were intended to bestow upon Adam and Eve companionship and fulfillment.   The Bible tells us that one of the keys to a truly fulfilling marital relationship, is learning to be contendedly focused on ones spouse. 

"¹⁸ Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. ¹⁹ Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. ²⁰ And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?"   Prov 5:18-20.  

 One powerful safeguard against adultery, fornication, and pornication is pretty obvious: happiness in your wife that lasts a lifetime. Today many marriages have fallen woefully short of what God intended.   There are  more and more people are seeking to obtain companionship, emotional and sexual fulfillment in ways outside of God's guidelines.

Wives today whose husband get caught up viewing pornography are up against impossible odds.  If their husband is fixated on the porn images he's viewing, there is not a negligee she can wear,  nor a perfume she can put on, or a dinner she can cook, which can compete with the sexual variety and inducements that porn has to offer.     

 For many couples whose marriage was already under a strain, porn created a stumbling block that some are just not able to overcome  Much of the infidelity we see taking place today has its roots in our modern excessive exposure to pornographic images.  These images stir and fan the flames of man's inner lust, often to the point of their seeking to act out what they have seen.
 

A newly married woman tells of how she caught her husband viewing porn on several occasions. When she confronted him about it he assured her that there was no harm in what he was doing.  

 He further explained that it really helped to make him a better lover, and desire her even more. She reluctantly accepted his explanation, but after the passage of time, the harsh reality of his constant porn viewing has set in. She sounds this warning to all wives who say there’s no harm in porn.  Compare below

He'll get physical with you and imagine he's with the women he sees in porn. Therefore  he's not making love with you, he's masturbating with your body.  He'll have unrealistic expectations of what you'll do. The women in porn movies do whatever whenever, and have no sexual expectations of their own.

Therefore in time he will expects you to have no sexual expectations of your own.  You will never be able to compete with the porn girls. In his eyes, there is "dreamland" on the computer and  in strip clubs, and “oh well, she will have to do " (meaning you) laying in bed next to him.

According to a report by Marnia Robinson,  “Internet pornography is creating a generation of young men who are hopeless in the bedroom, according to research.  Exposure to lurid images and films in the new media is de-sensitizing so many young people that they are increasingly unable to become excited by ordinary sexual encounters. 

The result is that impotence is no longer a problem associated with middle-aged men of poor health but is afflicting men in the prime of their lives.”

 In this report she called 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction is a Growing Problem’, Robinson  explains that the loss of libido 30 years early is caused by continuous over-stimulation of dopamine, the neurotransmitter that activates the body's reaction to sexual pleasure, by repeatedly viewing pornography on the internet.

‘A 'paradoxical effect' is created whereby with each new thrill, or 'dopamine spike', the brain loses its ability to respond to dopamine signals, meaning that porn-users demand increasingly extreme experiences to become sexually aroused. Erotic words, pictures, and videos have been around a long while, but the Internet makes possible a never-ending stream of dopamine spikes.   

Today's users can force its release by watching porn in multiple windows, searching endlessly, fast-forwarding to the bits they find hottest, switching to live sex chat, viewing constant novelty, firing up their mirror neurons with video action and cam-2-cam, or escalating to extreme genres and anxiety-producing material. 'It's all free, easy to access, available within seconds, 24 hours a day, seven days a week,' she said.”

But she added: 'In some porn users, the response to dopamine is dropping so low that they can't achieve an erection without constant hits of dopamine via the internet.' Many were initially shocked, she said, when they discovered their sensitivity was declining 'toward normal sex’.  When they try to have actual intercourse and cannot, they understandably panic,' Robinson said.

'Most men are astonished to learn that pornography use can be a source of sexual performance problems.   'Instead, many are becoming convinced that erectile dysfunction at 20-something is normal,' she said.  'They are amazed that heavy porn use can affect them adversely, that no one told them it could affect them.”

Porn creates angry men/husbands,   As Gary Thomas explains,  “Porn is idolatry at its core.  False gods of every kind disappoint.   When we’re disappointed, we get angry. Healthy marital sex leaves us with such a satisfied soul—not just immediately, but in the hours and even days that follow.

Porn does the opposite—it over-promises and under-delivers, and leaves a man depleted and unsatisfied and therefore angry that he’s been “cheated” (even though he’s the one doing the cheating). It’s one of the most confounding spiritual things you’ll ever see—men truly hate the thing they’ve just done, but then they keep going back and doing it.   
 

At first, the husband may  feels shame, guilt, remorse, and perhaps even self-loathing.  but this doesn't last long.   He then begins to blame his wife for his failings:  “If only she was a little more affectionate…” “If only she was a little more sexually  available…” “If only she was a little more understanding…”

In this now twisted version, of whose to blame, the husband now feels justified in his porn watching, and in some cases becomes angry with his wife.The sad truth is that the real many husbands are angry is because  he has learned to enjoy porn more than real sexual intimacy with his wife.   And when she is around, he can’t indulge. He has to hide his actions from her. Which in turn makes him resent her very presence. This is the true assault on marriage: the wife becomes an impediment to his lustful sexual  pursuit, she is “standing in the way” and that makes him angry.”

Porn is having a devastating impact on intimacy and sexuality,  Within the bond of marriage.   Porn is now the yardstick by which many are now gauging their expressed sexual expectations.   It is also the yardstick by which many gauge the body parts of their spouse, (Brest size, penis size, butt size, etc)

Via  Internet porn, every sexual scenario imaginible, no matter how perverse, is now on full display.  Any and everything thing that one can in their minds sexually conceive of,  (and then some), can be found with just a click. 

Science and research is proving time and time again that porn kills love, destroys intimacy, and can absolutely wreck ones sex life.

Research has found that after men are exposed to pornography, they rate themselves as less in love with their wives than men who didn’t see any porn. On top of that, another study found that after being exposed to pornographic images, people were more critical of their partner’s physical appearance, sexual curiosity, sexual performance, and displays of affection.

Some husbands even try to get their wives to perform the various sex acts they see the women in pornographic movies perform and accuses them of not loving them if they refuse.   Wives may also begin to doubt their own sexuality because they can't do, or don't want to do, the things their husbands request them to do (now that he’s turned on to porn). 
 

With the advent of internet porn,  many questions have arisen when it comes to what is acceptable and what is not.  Two of the most notable items being oral sex, and  anal sex. 

While it’s true that oral and anal sex has been attributed as being a mainstay for “gay sex” (homosexuality-lesbianism), internet porn has pushed and promoted these two, to another realm.    The impression is now given that oral and anal sex, is a natural and normal part of every couples sexual repertoire.  This in turn has exerted pressure on many husbands and wives, to perform, as depicted in porn.  

Anal sex?- Anal sex is being touted and glorified, as being the in thing to do.  So much so that women who sexually act out this way, are now being hailed as “anal queens.”  This in turn has raised many questions for couples in regards to this matter. 

THE MATTER OF ORAL SEX??- We now live in a society which is has been highly sexualized and is heavily influenced, by what is now known as the “porn culture.”   While it’s true that down through the years oral sex has been a mainstay of the gay culture, it has only been with the advent of the electronic media, that it’s been pushed and promoted toward those who are heterosexual.   We are not saying that a person who  practices oral sex is gay.  
 

But we are saying that oral sex as practiced by many who are gay, is now highlighted as being a frequent and  integral part of sexual interaction. So much so that the impression is given everybody’s doing all the time. People who mostly rely on porn for their sexual education might be under the impression that oral sex is a standard expectation whenever having sex.  The truth of the matter is that it is not.

On their website, https://sexinfo.soc.ucsb.edu/  they explain,

“In the past few decades, increased internet access as well as increases in sexually explicit imagery and behavior depicted in mass media has played a major role in the increased popularity of oral sex, especially among adolescent and young adults. 

Since oral sex is most prevalent in younger age groups and is featured in pornography, researchers conducted a study on how porn influences college-age students’ perceptions of what is “normal” oral sexual behavior.   The study found that the more frequently both men or women viewed heterosexual oral sex in pornography, the more likely they were to overestimate the frequency their peers were actively receiving and giving oral sex. 

Each couple must come to terms, in regards to what things are mutually agreeable  sexually,  not every sexual request can be deemed to be reasonable. 
 

Years ago when I was a young pastor  one of the sisters at the church came to me with this issue.  She told me that her husband wanted het to use a strap on, (artificial penis) on him.   She told me that she was not comfortable doing this and asked for my advice.  Below we give some insight that we hope will help clarify what is to be deemed proper sexual conduct between spouses.

Pastor Kevin Carson  explians,  That he developed six questions to consider related to sexual activity in marriage. These six questions help identify whether a particular act in marriage is sinful, unwise, or permissible. They provide us guidance as we answer these question.

1.   Is it required or prohibited in the Bible? Here we seek direct evidence from the Scriptures that provides specific direction as to whether an act is sanctioned and required or forbidden. The Bible never mentions anal sex. We want to exercise extreme caution then. As followers of Christ, we should not declare a particular thing sin when the Bible does not call it a sin, nor should we ever declare a specific thing not a sin if in fact the Bible does declare it a sin. In this case, the Bible never mentions it. Therefore, we cannot turn to a particular verse and specifically call anal sex a sin. Although it would be nice to have a specific verse to determine its sinfulness, there are additional criteria to help us discern if in fact anal sex is a sin. Is it required or prohibited in the Bible? No

3.  Is it against the conscience of the spouse? If a desired activity by either spouse is not consistent with the conscience of the other spouse, then the request for the sexual act needs to be dropped. If the spouse with the bothered conscience is coerced in participating, the manipulating spouse has encouraged sin. To do anything against one’s conscience is sin; in other words, to not be able to do something in faith is sin (Rom 14:19-23). Therefore, if either spouse does not want to participate in anal sex because of conscience, then the only thing in this instance that honors God is to pass on that request. Is it against the conscience of the spouse? Depends, each case would be different.

THE COST OF DELAYING MARRIAGE FOR MANY WOMEN---There are many women today, who find themselves conflicted when it comes to the issue of marriage, parenthood, domestic, and a career.    Some feel that they are faced with a either or, but a nearly impossibility when it comes to all of the above.

There are some women who have chosen to pursue their careers, while postponing marriage, motherhood, and the so called “domestics that comes with it.   There has been much debate in regards to how today’s women are to function in our society at large.    To go to section eight click on the image