Skip to main content
The my baby's daddy syndrome
When God gives up part one
When God Gives Up part two
YOUNG AND COPING, in the days of youth
Divorce Remarriage And Beyond Part 2



THE IMPACT OF PORN ON MARRIAGES---Of all the creatures on earth, God set a standard for man that is far above every other creature.  In fact man is the only creature on the planet that God set forth standards for, regarding sexual interacting via marriage.  Many are familiar with the following verse, but few understand why this is the case.  Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”  Heb 13:4.   

THE ENJOYMENT OF TOGETHERNESS--- Long after our bodies have by virtue of age undergone dramatic changes,  loss of hair, gaining the pounds, etc: couple who have learned to love, respect and support each other, still have a vibrant relationship. 

According to author Reb Bradley "A study of marriage in history reveals that long-lasting marriages are generally those which are more "role" oriented than "romance" oriented. "couples who marry with a clear understanding of their biblical roles, and have as their primary purpose to carry them out, are generally happier in marriage than those who marry in order to simply get their needs met. 

Considering that 20th century America places such emphasis on building marriages on the right "physical and sexual chemistry." It should be no surprise that many in marriage are easily disappointed in their marriages. It is when a couple understands their biblically assigned roles in marriage, and mutually seek to fulfill their assigned roles, by way of CONDUCT,  that a marriage reaches it's highest potential for harmony and success.

A successful marriage is much more than physical and sexual chemistry. Long after the initial thrill of the first sexual encounters has passed, and physical beauty begins to fade: the love which is mutually expressed via, positive CONDUCT, ie,   LOVE, RESPECT AND SUPPORT,  still makes the marriage, a loving, living and vibrant entity. 

When God first instituted marriage, He did so with certain goals in mind for the man and woman He created.  These were positive goals which were intended to bestow upon Adam and Eve companionship and fulfillment.  Today many marriages have fallen woefully short of what God intended.  

Today more and more people are seeking to obtain companionship, emotional and sexual fulfillment in ways outside of God's guidelines.

Wives today whose husband get caught up viewing pornography are up against impossible odds.  If their husband is fixated on the porn images he's viewing, there is not a negligee she can wear,  nor a perfume she can put on, or a dinner she can cook, which can compete with the sexual variety and inducements that porn has to offer.     

 For many couples whose marriage was already under a strain, porn created a stumbling block that some are just not able to overcome  Much of the infidelity we see taking place today has its roots in our modern excessive exposure to pornographic images.  These images stir and fan the flames of man's inner lust, often to the point of their seeking to act out what they have seen.


Perhaps the greatest impact that the internet has had on our lives is the impact it has had on our concept of human sexuality.   With the advent and rapid advancement of the internet, there has been and still is an exposure to pornographic sights and sounds, on a level that the world has never seen. 


Some have even coined a word, to describe this modern-day situation, it’s called “pornification.”  Which is defined as, The prevalence or normalization of sexual themes and explicit sexual imagery in popular or mainstream culture.    Porn is the new kid on the block, that has taken the world by storm. 

It is the new universally shared experience.  Our society has been "pornified." It's everywhere. It's open 24/7. And chances are good, judging from research into internet habits, that before or after reading this book, a high percentage of individuals will visit a porn site.  In fact for some of you,  Maybe you just did.

Mark Regnerus explains: “As you constantly watch many kinds of graphic sex acts, it’s likely to change your view of what sex and marriage mean. That makes sense, but I would push the argument further. Pornography doesn't’t just change what you think is possible. It changes what you want and what you think is morally acceptable.    If human beings become habituated to repeatedly performed actions, many repeated users of pornography will be all the more inclined to want and pursue the kind of sex they see.

THE OTHER WOMAN----Today sexual landscape is having a severe impact, on the marital bed of many.  Wives are now admitting that their husband is having an affair, the likes of which they never thought of. 

This other woman is described as being young beautiful and in the prime of life.She always greets him with a seductively beautiful smile, which makes it obvious that she can hardly wait for him to get his hands on her. 

Her breasts are symmetrically perfectly  shaped,  her stomach is taut and flat.  In bed she’s always red hot and constantly begging for more,   Each hard thrust from him only causes her to scream and holler,  for even harder thrust.  She is constantly having one excruciatingly pleasurable orgasm one after the other.

In bed she is as nimble as can be, he can flip her around like a pancake in every position imaginable. If the bed is not enough, she will mate with him on the floor, on the kitchen table, or any where else that may suit his fancy. She gets hotter and hotter with every position change.

Her aggressive sexual cravings seems limitless, it’s literally “no holes are barred” (oral, anal, vaginal), she will take it anyway he wants to give it to her..  She's never tired, she never has a headache  and is always ready and available at the click of a mouse.  What is her….it’s PORN of course.


Constantly viewing pornography causes many men, as well as some women, who had been happy with their sex lives (with their spouse) to become frustrated.  The reason for this frustration stems from the fact that the sex they and their spouse have, cannot compete with the hot unending sexual action portrayed in porn (much of which is staged).  A man may start to think there is something wrong with his wife or get angry with her for not being like the women in the porn flick. 


Porn on the net.  Cyberspace is able to project a near perfect sexual environment, which has been described as "a world of plastic surgery, breast implants, and a wonderful airbrush quality to enhance further perfection". 

Pornography projects an image of the female body which rarely exist, and when it does, it doesn't last forever. Whatever our view is of how the perfect woman should look, the internet is able to visually provide her for us. The women shown in porn come from a very narrow part of the wide spectrum of how real women look.  


 They are young, they have no stretch marks, they are thin or pleasantly plump, they don't have a pouch/gut, they have large breasts, and so on and so forth. If this is not our view of the perfect woman, the internet offers many variations on the so called perfect woman, and we can be sure that a whoever she is (in our mind) she's just a click away. 

In addition, these porn stars often wear makeup from head to toe, they are filmed with lighting that hides blemishes, and the pictures may be air brushed or digitally altered after they are taken.  Most women can't even come close to looking like these women look in the nude.  Even if some women/wives can come close to the air brushed, perfect physique look (while they are young),  it's only a matter of time before their bodies (due to the ravages of time and age) will lose much of its physical attractiveness, then what??  

A newly married woman tells of how she caught her husband viewing porn on several occasions. When she confronted him about it he assured her that there was no harm in what he was doing.  

 He further explained that it really helped to make him a better lover, and desire her even more. She reluctantly accepted his explanation, but after the passage of time, the harsh reality of his constant porn viewing has set in. She sounds this warning to all wives who say there’s no harm in porn.  

He'll get physical with you and imagine he's with the women he sees in porn. Therefore  he's not making love with you, he's masturbating with your body.  He'll have unrealistic expectations of what you'll do. The women in porn movies do whatever whenever, and have no sexual expectations of their own.

Therefore in time he will expects you to have no sexual expectations of your own.  You will never be able to compete with the porn girls. In his eyes, there is "dreamland" on the computer and  in strip clubs, and “oh well, she will have to do " (meaning you) laying in bed next to him.

While those who tout the virtue of porn, and deem it to be harmless sexual entertainment would have us to believe otherwise, there is a down side.  Science and research is proving time and time again that porn kills love, destroys intimacy, and can absolutely wreck ones sex life.

Research has found that after men are exposed to pornography, they rate themselves as less in love with their partner than men who didn’t see any porn. On top of that, another study found that after being exposed to pornographic images, people were more critical of their partner’s physical appearance, sexual curiosity, sexual performance, and displays of affection.

Some husbands even try to get their wives to perform the various sex acts they see the women in pornographic movies perform and accuses them of not loving them if they refuse.   Wives may also begin to doubt their own sexuality because they can't do, or don't want to do, the things their husbands request them to do (now that he’s turned on to porn).

It has been said that the only other thing that comes remotely close to the impact of porn, was  introduction of the Pill in 1961. It is often noted that the pill brought worry free sex, first to married couples, then to singles. 

The internet has brought an explosion of pornographic images and situations into the marital bedrooms of many couples.  This is on a scale and scope the likes of which the world has never seen. This is not about couples going to the porn store to spice up their sex lives. Many are now in growing numbers using porn in ways that is secret, shameful and damaging.

It is having a damaging impact on intimacy and sexuality.   Porn is now the yardstick by which many are now gauging their expressed sexual expectations.   It is also the yardstick by which many gauge the body parts of their spouse, (Brest size, penis size, butt size, etc)

Via  Internet porn, every sexual senecio that can be imagined, no matter how perverse, is now on full display.  Any and everything thing that one can in their minds sexually conceive of,  (and then some), can be found with just a click. Porn has had a profound effect on our  sexual attitudes, expectations,  practices and relationships.  

Some who actually tout the “virtue of porn, say that it has helped extend sexual repertoires, and re-invigorated anemic sex lives.   Others disagree they say that it has raised the sexual anxieties of many, and is emerging as the new marriage-wrecker.

While it’s true that oral and anal sex has been attributed as being a mainstay for “gay sex” (homosexuality-lesbianism), internet porn has pushed and promoted these two, to another realm.    The impression is now given that oral and anal sex, is a natural and normal part of every couples sexual repertoire.  This in turn has exerted pressure on many husbands and wives, to perform, as depicted in porn.  

Anal sex?- Anal sex is being touted and glorified, as being the in thing to do.  So much so that women who sexually act out this way, are now being hailed as “anal queens.”  This in turn has raised many questions for couples in regards to this matter.  One of the main questions is, is anal sex sodomy?    Pastor Kevin Carson tells us,  “The term sodomy does not occur in the Bible. The term itself comes from the story of Lot and Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19).

In this account, a large group of men seek to commit homosexual sin with two angels who appeared in the form of men. The clear indication of the text is that these men desired forcible anal sex with these two angels. Lot prevented them as long as possible, but the men kept pressing toward his house. The angels rescued Lot and caused blindness among the men. Although the term anal sex is not mentioned in the biblical story, anal sex became known as the sin of Sodom or sodomy (and in verb form sodomize).

In common use, the term developed to include more than just homosexual, anal sex. Sodomy includes “anal or oral copulation with a member of the opposite sex, copulation with a member of the same sex.

There is a difference between the biblical definition and the modern definition of sodomy. As the term is used in the English language, anal sex is sodomy. In biblical language, sodomy is homosexual anal sex. The sin of Sodom does not refer to anal sex between a husband and wife in a marriage context.

THE MATTER OF ORAL SEX??- We now live in a society which is has been highly sexualized and is heavily influenced, by what is now known as the “porn culture.”   While it’s true that down through the years oral sex has been a mainstay of the gay culture, it has only been with the advent of the electronic media, that it’s been pushed and promoted toward those who are heterosexual.   We are not saying that a person who  practices oral sex is gay.  

But we are saying that oral sex as practiced by many who are gay, is now highlighted as being a frequent and  integral part of sexual interaction. So much so that the impression is given everybody’s doing all the time. People who mostly rely on porn for their sexual education might be under the impression that oral sex is a standard expectation whenever having sex.  The truth of the matter is that it is not.

On their website,   When it comes to the matter of oral sex, they explain,

“In the past few decades, increased internet access as well as increases in sexually explicit imagery and behavior depicted in mass media has played a major role in the increased popularity of oral sex, especially among adolescent and young adults. 

Since oral sex is most prevalent in younger age groups and is featured in pornography, researchers conducted a study on how porn influences college-age students’ perceptions of what is “normal” oral sexual behavior.   The study found that the more frequently both men or women viewed heterosexual oral sex in pornography, the more likely they were to overestimate the frequency their peers were actively receiving and giving oral sex. 

The private nature of sexual behavior is likely responsible for this biased perception, since the only point of reference the students could compare behavior viewed in pornography is to their own personal sexual experience; this caused them to assume that the high frequency of oral sex behaviors depicted in porn is the norm for their age group, though this may not match reality.    The overestimation of the peer group influences how interested adolescents are in preforming or receiving oral sex themselves and how often they expect to engage in this sexual activity.

Viewing pornographic or sexually explicit material in the media can present a skewed view of what is typical regarding oral sex and can lead to unrealistic expectation and pressures surrounding oral sex. However, the idea that oral sex is more common in one’s peer group can also have a positive role in normalizing oral sex and reducing partners’ inhibitions about giving or receiving fellatio, cunnilingus, or annilingus.

When it comes to the matter of oral sex, there are some who are not comfortable giving or receiving,  There are some who like receiving but not giving,  and there are those who like giving but not receiving.   Compare the concerns of one wife,

“I need help with a sex problem, and I am full of anxiety and tension every time my husband of ten years and I are ready to make love. He loves oral sex and I do not care to give it ever and he keeps saying that I should do it because I love him, and it makes him happy. I was married to my first husband for 23 years and he never insisted that I perform oral sex as he knew I was so uncomfortable with it.

[Now,] I find myself avoiding sex and getting very tense when we talk about it as my husband would like it every time.  I just cannot and do not enjoy oral sex at all. What am I supposed to do?”

There are some men who don’t want anything to do with oral sex either way.  Then there are husband who love receiving oral sex, but they refuse to reciprocate.   Some say that this is an act of selfishness on his part.  Some say that a fair exchange is when the husband doesn’t  want to perform oral sex on his wife and  doesn’t expect for her to perform it on Him. 

A recent study in this area revealed that  there’s a big gap between the amount of men performing oral sex and women performing oral sex.  It turns out that far more women are performing oral sex on their mate, than their mate is performing on them  receiving oral sex and not giving it back in return. 

Then there are certain requests she may not be comfortable with;  such as oral sex (either way). Or his request that she use an artificial penis on him.  Years ago when I was pastoring one of the sisters at the church came to me with this issue.  She told me that her husband wanted het to use a strap on, (artificial penis) on him.   She told me that she was not comfortable doing this and asked for my advice.  Below we give some insight that we hope will help clearify what is to be deemed proper sexual conduct between spouses.

Pastor Kevin Carson  explians,  That he developed six questions to consider related to sexual activity in marriage. These six questions help identify whether a particular act in marriage is sinful, unwise, or permissible. They provide us guidance as we answer these question.

1.   Is it required or prohibited in the Bible? Here we seek direct evidence from the Scriptures that provides specific direction as to whether an act is sanctioned and required or forbidden. The Bible never mentions anal sex. We want to exercise extreme caution then. As followers of Christ, we should not declare a particular thing sin when the Bible does not call it a sin, nor should we ever declare a specific thing not a sin if in fact the Bible does declare it a sin. In this case, the Bible never mentions it. Therefore, we cannot turn to a particular verse and specifically call anal sex a sin. Although it would be nice to have a specific verse to determine its sinfulness, there are additional criteria to help us discern if in fact anal sex is a sin. Is it required or prohibited in the Bible? No

2. Is it unnatural? Anyway you consider this question, anal sex would not be considered natural. According to the Bible, it is declared unnatural in regard to homosexuality. In regard to creation and functioning the way God intended for a man and woman to function, it is not natural. The rectum is not designed for entry and thrusting. The muscles around the anal orifice at the opening of the rectum are exclusively intended to push out in order to rid the body of waste. Contrary to the anal orifice, the vaginal orifice was designed for the vigorous thrusting of intercourse and childbirth, with both its natural lubrication and muscle structure. Clearly one is natural (vaginal intercourse) and the other is not (anal intercourse). Is it unnatural? Yes.

3.  Is it against the conscience of the spouse? If a desired activity by either spouse is not consistent with the conscience of the other spouse, then the request for the sexual act needs to be dropped. If the spouse with the bothered conscience is coerced in participating, the manipulating spouse has encouraged sin. To do anything against one’s conscience is sin; in other words, to not be able to do something in faith is sin (Rom 14:19-23). Therefore, if either spouse does not want to participate in anal sex because of conscience, then the only thing in this instance that honors God is to pass on that request. Is it against the conscience of the spouse? Depends, each case would be different.

4.  What is your motive? What is the condition of your heart? This final question relates to the motive of the one seeking a particular sex act.  Is the spouse who desires this particular act doing so because of pornography, fantasies, regularly masturbating to certain pornographic sexual acts., or other experiences which make routine sex with his or her spouse seem boring?

God gives married couples a great deal of leway, when it comes to how they sexually interact.  Having said this, we should keep the following things in mind. 
Site Mailing List  Sign Guest Book  View Guest Book 
Knowledge is power!