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UNDERSTANDING GOD'S SEXUAL REALITY PART #2
As we noted earlier, The Bible offers but one solution to those who are struggling with strong sexual desires, which is that it's best to get married. When Paul addressed this issue he gave this advice to the following groups, #1. TO THOSE WHO WERE SINGLE, HAVING NEVER BEEN MARRIED AND #2. TO THOSE WHO WERE SINGLE BY VIRTUE OF DIVORCE OR WIDOWHOOD).
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 1st Cor 7:2. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn, 1st Cor 7:9. *These verses highlights marriage as the solution, for those who are burning in sexual passion. Marriage is God's version of safe sex.
Paul described the sex drive as so strong as to be a inner burning. The Bible clearly tells us that a strong sexual desires, are not dirty, sinful, or unholy, they are God given. Along with these desires, God has provided an outlet for these sexual desires. If you are single and struggling with masturbation, fornication, wet dreams, etc. this is a strong indication that you are burning with sexual passion. The Bible offers one solution to these sexual situations, marriage
There are many today who for a number of reasons reject this advice. They say they must first finish college, and get set financially, or simply date around to see what's out there, etc. Unfortunately the sex drive of most of the individuals does not put itself on hold, until these goals are achieved. Thus in the midst of trying to get ahead financially and educationally, many today find themselves becoming sexually active, minus the marital bond.
There is perhaps no greater item that affects our lives in so many ways, as our sex drive. As Gillis Triplett explains, "Without a doubt, having sex is pure ecstasy on earth. But for some people, their sex drive has been their Achilles heel. It has landed them in a relationship or marriage from hell, in the divorce court, in jail, tagged as a sexual predator, on a gurney in an abortion clinic, or put them into the shameful position of being a carrier of HIV/AIDS or some other sexually transmitted disease.
It has caused some to become addicted to porn, with seemingly no way out. For some women, their sex drive has caused them to have unwanted children. For some men, their sex drive has forced them to grudgingly pay child support to females they sorely despise. Still others, because of their sex drive, have lost their business, ministry, or political office. Some have lost everything... home, marriage, job, career, their children and their sanity.
.The apostle Paul had to deal with the matter of a strong sex drive during the course of his ministry. Many of the believers at Corinth were having trouble with their sexual desires. The strong sexual desires, which Paul called a “burning” was evident in their lives and in their dealings with each other. It became obvious to them that strong burning desires persisted in spite of their prayers, that they woald simply go away.
They looked to the apostle Paul for guidance on this matter. Ray Steadman explains, “Question #1 on their list seems to be something like this: "In view of the sexual temptations we face in Corinth, is it perhaps better to take a vow of celibacy, to renounce marriage for life, and to withdraw from all contact with the opposite sex?" And Paul's answer is given to us in this very first verse: "It is well for a man not to touch a woman."
Now that question probably arose from the difficulty that some were having with handling their sexual drives. They were living in a sexually-oriented society, very much like what we have in our country today. They were facing exposure to temptation in these areas every time they turned around, just as we do today, and some of them were reacting, and saying, "Well, rather than struggle all the time, why not just forget the whole thing and get away from the opposite sex and live as a monk?"
Paul explained to them that though this was a noble idea, to remain single and celibate, it would not do away with the sexual burning which plagued some of them. Paul advised, “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote. It is well for a man not to touch a woman. But because of the temptation to immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:1-2 RSV).
Paul fully understood the strong pull one’s sexual desires, (which he called a “burning”), can have on us. Paul advised the single believers at Corinth, that if their sexual desires became too overwhelming, they would be better off getting married. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 1ST Cor. 7:9. NIV.
For today's younger generation, they are often told that"love is love." This statement is made by many who seek to promote the idea that sexual acting out in everyway one can imagine is ok, as long as one loves what they are doing.
It is possible for men and women to love what they are doing, (right or wrong) and to experience a form of physical enjoyment and degrees of emotional, psychological, and spiritual fulfillment. This includes matters of sexual conduct that God difines as being abhorrent.
We are told that it’s possible to crave sexual interactions in ways that God never intended. For this reason, the Bible gives many solemn warnings against appealing to human passion or lust as the basis for our definition of moral sex.
This is the point that Paul Made in Romans 1. 26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error. 28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. Roman 1:24-28.
We note the fact that no where in the scriptures is it implied that if we have strong homosexual or lesbian sexual desires (burnings), or that we are to enter into a same sex union. The scriptures says just the opposite. Paul tells us that there is a natural burning and there is a unnatural burning. In regards to these two types of burnings, Paul recommended marriage to remedy the first, and called for deliverance to remedy the second one. Compare below
There are LGBTQ activist and their supporters who say that homosexuality should not be on the list of items that are deemed to be sinful. Many argue that they acquired their sexual orientation by way of birth, therefore it's natural and normal, (as opposed to unnatural and abnormal).
They go no to say that placing homosexuality on this list of items, (and other items related to LGBTQ-ISM), which are deemed to be sinful behavior constitutes homophobic gay bashing. Some even say that the Bible should be classed as "hate literature".
We should note that the Bible does not mentioned homosexuality only. The Bible has much to say about sexual sins in general. First, there is adultery. Adultery in the natural sense is sexual intercourse of a married person with someone other than his or her own spouse. It is condemned in both the Old and New Testaments (Exodus 20:14; I Cor. 6:9, 10). Second, there is fornication, the illicit sex acts of unmarried persons which is likewise forbidden (I Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; Ephesians 5:3). Then there is homosexuality which likewise is condemned in Scripture.
Paul does not single out the homosexual as a special offender. He includes fornicators, idolaters, adulterers, thieves, covetous persons, drunkards, revilers and extortioners. And then he adds the comment that some of the Christians at Corinth had been delivered from these very practices: "And such were some of you: But ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:11).
The truth of the matter is every adultery, drunk, thief, etc, could also say that to include them on this list, constitutes, drunk bashing, adultery bashing, thief bashing etc
The Bible clearly tells us, in the sight of God, marriage is very honorable, and sexual intercourse between a husband and wife, is ordained and blessed by God. “4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Heb 13:4.
Many today take offense at this verse, they feel our modern society has moved past a need for the Bible, and in some cases God. Sadly, to our own hurt God and His word is now viewed with contempt. This is especially true in regards to a more and more rebellious society (morally), which is determined to do its own thing.
COHABITATING?? There is a growing trend in our western society involving couples simply living together out of wedlock. This used to be called "shacking up" and those who thus practiced shacking up were looked upon by society as living outside the expected moral standards. However, society has redefined cohabitation and has now mostly decided to approve and accept it as being within the moral standards.
Many couples who cohabitate, say that they don’t need a piece of paper to validate, their love and commitment to each other. More and more in our society are in agreement with this sentiment. While it’s true that more and more people in our society are in agreement with these live-in arraignments, God has not changed His moral standards. No matter how many couples are living together God still says in his word it should not be done.
The Bible clearly tells us, if we desire to be sexually active, we need to be married. The reason being there is coming a day when he will judge all who are sexually active outside the marriage bed. 4Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge, Heb 13:4.
God does loves us but if we act our sexuality in general and sexual desires in particular, in ways that are contrary to God's guidelines, we will face His judgment. 9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.
The Bible constantly warns of the eternally dangerous consequences of un-repented of sexual transgressions. The gravity and clarity of such condemnations are helpful in the sense that they help us to take such matters seriously and steer clear of them.
However, the condemnations should not be seen in isolation from God’s mercy, as He never fails to forgive those who come to Him with a humble and contrite heart. God hates sin, but He loves sinners and is full of mercy and compassion for them. This mercy must be accessed through true repentance, however.
Both Christ and Paul taught the same thing, when it comes to coping with ones sexual desires. They both stated that for many, their sexual passions so strong, that they need to be married. One day when Jesus was teaching his disciples about the seriousness of marriage and commitment, they responded by saying, if this was the case, it was better that a man did not marry, but stay single. Jesus then told them that not everyone could accept the state of singleness. 10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. 11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
The fact that Jesus made this observation concerning our sexuality is very important because it shows us God is fully aware of our sexual state of being, and how we got there. There are many sexual complexities which men of great learning, be it theologians, psychiatrists, lay persons, still wrestle with and debate up to this present time. Only God knows the answer to every sexual circumstance and how to resolve any and every sexual issue known to man.
In the comments Christ made concerning the various sexual condition men are in, we get a glimpse of how God surveys every sexual condition, and sexual state of mind men can find themselves in. When the disciples said it’s better for a man to remain single, in order to avoid some of the possible pitfalls which can come with marriage.
Christ who knows all things, said, “All men cannot receive this saying, (to remain single and celibate), except they to whom it is given,” He then explained sexually why some can, some cannot, and some choose to not get married. It is very interesting to note that in this case Christ did not speak about love and marriage being the driving force (even though love is important).
He focused on sex and marriage. No one understands the sex drive and our sexual abilities, better than the one who created it. Many theologians no doubt have trouble with both the words of Christ and the words of Paul. Because they both used the word “CANNOT” in describing the ability of some to ignore their sexual desires to the point where they need not to be married. Christ gives us three examples.
Christ said “ All men cannot receive this saying.” For there are some eunuchs, #1. which were so born from their mother's womb: and #2. there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and #3. there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. Matt. 19:11-12.
#1. SOME ARE BORN WITH GENITALIA DEFORMITIES--In this instance, Christ had in mind the Jewish understanding of eunuchs as described in Levitical law and through out the Old Testament: those who were born with the physical inability to engage in sexual intercourse.
Those inabilities could be more than just sexual impotence, but could very well be crippling deformities like paralysis, or other mental retardation that prevents a person from participating in being married to a spouse.
Or this could be a person who though healthy in every other way, had some birth defect, which caused a physical abnormality, in their genitals which hindered them from engaging in normal sexual intercourse. *This is not to say these persons don’t have normal sexual desires, they simply lack the right equipment to perform.
#2. SOME ARE NOT SEXUALLY CAPABLE BECAUSE OF CASTRATION OR HINDERED BY RELIGIOUS RESTRICTIONS--Jesus said some men are not able to engage in regular sexual activity, because they have been castrated. When the term “eunuch” is used in this sense, The Greek word is a compound word that means literally "bed holder," or simply put, a holder of the bed.
The historical understanding of a eunuch is a man who had been castrated or had his genitals mutilated in some manner that prevented him from becoming aroused around women. These men were commonly used as guards in royal harems, what would be known as a "bed guardian.” *Depending on the type of castration, some still have sexual desires, if the testicles have not been removed. Some men have religious restrictions placed on them, by their religious, which places the demand of a celibate life on them. This they are in a sense made a eunuch by men, in a religious sense. (the Catholic priest are an example).
#3. SOME CHOOSE TO BE CELIBATE, FOR THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN’S SAKE, THEY HAVE NO TROUBLE BEING SEXUALLY INACTIVE--Jesus said some men have the ability not to be sexually aroused, to the point of needing sex, choosing rather to devote themselves to the work of the kingdom, they choose to be celibate.
The apostle Paul fit into the category of believers who by an act of their will (he called it a gift), could live a celibate life without much strong sexual desire. Paul said he wished the saints could stay single, as he was, so that they could labor more effectively in the ministry. Paul then said the ability to be celibate, and not be bothered with overwhelming sexual desires, was not an ability everyone had. Some in error have labeled this as a gift of celibacy from God. The Bible does not teach this doctrine.
Christ said “ All men cannot receive this saying.” For there are some eunuchs, #1. which were so born from their mother's womb: and #2. there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and #3. there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. Matt. 19:11-12.
Paul used the same terminology in his teachings. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. 1st Cor. 7:8-9. Both Christ and Paul used the word “cannot”, in referring to man’s ability to resist the urge to obtain sexual release. They also used marriage as the backdrop in highlighting this truth. Neither Christ nor Paul was saying that men should go out and fornicate because they could not help themselves.
Paul noted that even after marriage, husbands and wives should strive to stay sexually active with each other. Paul warned that failure to do so, could potentially cause their sexual desires (BURNINGS) to become so overwhelming, as to cause them to seek sexual release elsewhere. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1st Cor. 7:3.
Ray Stedman tells us, “One thing is clear: Sex in marriage is given to us for the mutual pleasure of those involved. It is the highest form of physical ecstasy, without a doubt. It rates as the number one recreation of the world, and there is no question about that. It always has been, and it always will be. Nothing compares to it, and God likes it that way; he designed it that way. He gave us our erogenous zones and permitted them, intended them, to be aroused and excited. He intended for human beings to experience this exquisite ecstasy of orgasm, but he designed that it be protected, that it be experienced within walls of security which only marriage, as the Bible envisions it, can provide.”
No where in the scriptures is it implied that if we have strong homosexual or lesbian sexual desires (burnings), or that we are to enter into a same sex union. The scriptures says just the opposite. Paul tells us that there is a natural burning and there is a unnatural burning. In regards to these two types of burnings, Paul recommended marriage to remedy the first, and called for deliverance to remedy the second one.
After marriage comes the realization that not everyone has, retains, or maintains the same degree of sexual desire. While it is true those in marriage don't always have the same degree of sexual desire, (sex drive) this does not give the spouse with the lower sex drive the right to sexually deny their spouse.
Being too tired, busy, disinterested, or having a headache, does not diminish the sexual desire of one's spouse. Neither does the lack of a sex drive, on the part of one's spouse, lessen the temptation of the other spouse (the one being sexually denied) to seek to have their sexual urge satisfied by other means.
Just because the husband can satisfy his needs in two minutes does not give him the right to ignore the needs of his wife (which often requires more than a few minutes to satisfy). Paul also addressed this issue, he told those who were married, that it was not enough for them to just have sex. Paul told those who were married, that they were to strive to give thier spouse sexual fulfillment. "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency". 1st Cor .7:4-5 .
We have a God ordained responsibility to try within the best of our ability to satisfy our mate. Paul told the married believers their spouse had the right to use their bodies for sexual fulfillment and vice versa. Paul warned to deny one's spouse of their orgasmic rights, could lead to sexual temptations on the part of the one who is being defrauded.
SEXUAL REALITY-THE FLOOD-GATES HAVE BEEN RIPPED OFF THE HINGES According to Dr Peter Hammond, "One of the most serious threats to our younger generation comes through the entertainment industry. Superficial, sensational and immoral material predominates in the modern entertainment industry and it is producing an increasingly superficial, selfish, mindless and immoral society.
Television, Ipods, mobile phone screens, and the Internet are filling the void in the aimless and meaningless lives of all too many young people. Due to all this graphic exposure, the young generation today is exhibiting a marked increase in the interest and participatory level of sexual issues, at a much earlier age.
The younger generation is crying out for sexual answers, our response must not be panicked silence. Sex education in schools is insufficient, claimed Anna Martinez, head of a Sex Education Forum. She said: "Young people continue to tell us that there is a big gap between the sex education they need and the sex education they are getting in school, church, and from their parents.
The younger generation is being taught a version of what sex looks like, and sounds like, its weird, violent, without restraints, and extremes, Parents and the church cannot ignore the phenomenon. Sex on TV and porn on the Internet is pervasive, and seemingly unstoppable. If banning it is a lost cause and blocking it at home in most cases ineffectual, then parents and Bible teachers have to gird their loins and talk about it.
Internet porn and the way sexual activity is depicted, on TV, can't be allowed to exist in a vacuum of silence; otherwise young people, on the cusp of sexual experience, might believe in its unrealistic depiction: that being sexually active is a must, that all girls are Brazilian bikini-waxed nymphomaniacs; that good sex amounts to "harder, and harder thrusting" that boys are devoid of true love, tenderness, and commitment. etc.
The sexual reality today is that the sexual flood-gates have been ripped off the hinges. Sexual images and acts of every description and some which defy description, are readily available on the internet. These are more than just sounds and pictures on a screen.
They are images that are ripe with meanings about men and women, what they like and about how they ought to treat each other. They are images that have lasting impact on the perceptions, attitudes and behavior of the individuals which are viewing them. The exposure of young people to pornography, including violent pornography, is particularly disturbing.
The societal impact that porn is having, is affecting people from all walks of life. This includes many who are within the various churches, (including ministers). We are now seeing a younger generation who is being exposed to porn in ways, never before seen in human history. Not only this but many now find themselves addicted to porn. It is safe to say that we are now in the midst of a porn epidemic.
Compare what our kids are being exposed to on a daily basis.
The rapid increase in the exposure of explicit sexual situations, is leading to more and more confusion and frustration. A crisis center which deals with this matter, say they are noticing a marked increse in the volume of emails, which denotes desperate, sexual concerns and confusion.
The operator of this site say they have lost count of the number of young women in their late teens and early 20s, who write in with the same concern. They say their boyfriend and in many cases their husband, can't stop watching porn: 'Why does he watch porn so much when he's with me?'; 'How can I ever measure up to the women in porn?'; 'Why aren't I good enough?'; 'Is it normal to have pubic hair?"
Girls really do think they're expected to look like life-sized Barbie dolls: long of limb, large of breast and with no body hair whatsoever. Young men too are beset by insecurities and misapprehensions, fueled by exposure to porn: 'My penis is too small compared to the ones I've seen on the internet, how can I get it enlarged?'; 'I want to watch my girlfriend have sex with my best friend. Is this a good idea??
The floodgates of sexual information and misinformation, have not only been swung wide open, but have been ripped of the hinges, there is now no way to close them. This sudden and dramatic shift to the exposure of sexual imagery has left the various components of our society, who try to explain it all, (parents, churches, educational system, etc). Scrambling, in an attempt to explain to the younger generation, what it all means.
Each of us are sexually different, over time these difference can change even more. Many husbands have expressed their frustration, with the dramatic drop in their wives sexual desires, as their marriage progressed. Some wives have retorted by blaming a lack of continual courtship and romance on the part of the man after marriage as a major culprit.
While in some marriages this is the case, researchers have found another major contributing factor. Researchers have found that women's libido plummets very rapidly when they believe they are in a secure relationship so much so that after just four years the proportion of 30-year-old women wanting regular sex falls below 50 per cent. Dr Dietrich Klusmann
The researchers from Hamburg-Eppendorf University interviewed 530 men and women about their relationships. They found 60% of 30-year-old women wanted sex "often" at the beginning of a relationship, but within four years of the relationship this figure fell to under 50%, and after 20 years it dropped to about 20%. In contrast, they found the proportion of men wanting regular sex remained at between 60-80%, regardless of how long they had been in a relationship.
The findings for women contrast with those for men, whose sexual appetite hardly flagged at all up to 40 years after marriage. The study, by researchers at Hamburg-Eppendorf University in Germany, challenges the popular image of modern women as equal to men in sexual appetite. "Female their motivation matches male sexual motivation in the first years of the partnership and then steadily decreases,"
The study also revealed that tenderness was important for women in a relationship. About 90% of women wanted tenderness, regardless of how long they had been in a relationship, but only 25% of men who had been in a relationship for 10 years said they were still seeking tenderness from their partner. This is not to say that all wives fit into this category, there are some wives who have a stronger sex drive than their husband.
But in most cases Study after study illustrates that men's sex drives are not only stronger than women's, but much more straightforward. The sources of women's libidos, by contrast, are much more difficult to pin down. It's common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire. But women also appear to be heavily influenced by social and cultural factors as well.
Marriage is highlighted as the remedy for meeting one's sexual desires. In many cases this does not always happen. Husbands and wives must make a conscience effort to satisfy each other. It's not enough to be married but within the marital bond, each spouse must seek to totally sexually satisfy the other.
Paul told those who were married, that they were to do all within reason to sexually satisfy each other. He warned to fail to do so, opened each other up to sexual temptations. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency". 1st Cor .7:5 .
Not everyone has the same level of sex drive. (As most married couples can tell you.) Sometimes a woman's sex drive is lower than a man's, and sometimes it is the man who has the lower sex drive. It is also true that most men can become sexually excited much easier and quicker than most women. regardless of a couple's differing degree of sexual needs.
Husbands and wives have a God ordained responsibility to seek to meet each other's sexual needs, to the point of fulfillment, (as much as it is humanly possible). There are some very common occurring situations, which many married couples say creates sexual stress, sexual frustration, and a lack of sexual fulfillment in a marriage. These are #1. Premature ejaculation, 2. The inability to obtain orgasm through regular sexual intercourse, and #3. An imbalance in sexual desire between the husband and wife. (compare below click tab to advance slides).
THE FIVE STAGES OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
The human sexual response can be described as a cycle with five stages. In functioning within the sexual response cycle, a question every couple is faced with is, how far should they be willing to go in bringing their mate to the point of arousal and ultimately to orgasm. What may be viewed as a sexual turn on for one person may be a sexual turn off for another person. It is important that couples learn what really arouses and turns on their spouse. When a husband or wife express their sexual preferences, it is important that their mate seek to honor their request as much as possible, as long as their sexual request is not listed as being sinful in the word of God.
Each couple must come to a understanding of how they can best sexually satisfy each other. The pace at which men and women go from one stage to the other varies with each individual. By better understanding these five stages, it will help couples to better understand the complexities of their sexuality. This will also better understand how to meet each others sexual needs, as ordained by God.
The normal sexual state is the unaroused phase. The unaroused phase is also the part of the cycle we return to after the sexual encounter is over. (That is if we have been sexually satisfied, we take a closer look at this in our book). Many young couples encounter various problems in one or more of these five stages. This in turn often creates sexual stress within the relationship. It is the will of God, that husbands and wives help each other obtain sexual fulfillment through each of these stages.
LOVE VERSES LUST??? It seems that many today have a problem differentiating between love and sexual desire. While it's true that sexual intercourse is one way of expressing love, sex itself is not love. We all know it's possible to have sex without love. If there is a difference between sex and love, why are the two often confused? For example when people speak of sexual intercourse, they sometimes refer to it as "making love." Or, someone may try to pressure you into getting sexually involved by saying, "If you loved me, you'd have sex with me.
A question we all must come to terms with, if we are to have a sexually and emotionally fulfilling life as God would have us to, is what is the difference between love and sexual desire. Many have lived their whole lives so totally consumed with sexual desire, minus any true expressions of love, that they found themselves completely unsatisfied, miserable and frustrated. Sexual fulfillment as God would have us to obtain it, can best be achieved, when sexual intercourse, is combined with true love and commitment (emotional intercourse). Many today mainly follow the leadings of their strong carnal desires, which is commonly known as "LUST."
Today there seems to be a abandonment of the pursuit of true love and commitment, in lieu of the pursuit of strong carnal desires. In an article written by Duncan Moore he discusses the difference between love and lust, we quote, "To understand the Bible's view of sex we must understand the difference between love and lust. Love honors, values and seeks the best for the beloved.
It focuses on the other person. It's selfless, sacrificial and inseparable from commitment. Lust, on the other hand, seeks to use things or people to meet its needs and gratify its desires. It focuses inward on itself, is inherently selfish, and rejects commitment. Love and lust are opposites. They are in direct conflict with each other.
The question to be asked is whether our sexual relationships are an expression of love or lust: "I want to honor and value you, giving myself to you," or "I want to use you as a tool to satisfy my urge for an orgasm, using you and taking from you." Strong carnal desire, when detached from a mindset of love and commitment, can be extremely destructive.
Lust in the form of acted our carnal desire, is powerful and seductive. When acted on minus a mindset of love and commitment it always becomes and remains inherently selfish. As Duncan Moore explains. "As we foster and feed lust in our lives we're dragged inexorably towards isolation, loneliness, insecurity and emptiness. What do we have left when orgasm becomes boring and unsatisfying, left alone to face the pain of guilt and loneliness?
Love with commitment is clearly very expensive and hard work. It requires honor, respect, forgiveness and sacrifice. However it's the road out of the loneliness, suspicion and despair that plagues our culture. If we substitute lust for love we end up with a meaningless sensation which eventually loses its novelty and can never satisfy beyond the physical. God's intention for us is that we should be set free from the power and slavery of lust and become men and women of genuine love."
THE NEW SEXUAL REALITY
WIVES WHO HAVE TO MEASURE UP TO PORN STARS
MEETING EACH OTHERS SEXUAL NEEDS IN MARRIAGE
Some have learned when it was too late, that the relationship they have committed themselves to, in the name of love, was not love at all, but merely a case of intense sexual desire. Many young people in our society today, become blinded to reason. Due to the fact that they get lost in the euphoria of the intense sexuality of a new relationship.
As great as sex is, if sex is the main binding force in a relationship (a situation referred to as the Lust/sex benefits only scenario) and other critical areas of the relationship are going lacking, it is only a matter of time before frustration will set in. It is God's will that couples come together in a marital relationship, which is well balanced.
Our younger generation today has become so sexualized, that for many today they assume that good sex will fix a bad relationship. After marriage, as the couple realizes, that there are more rooms in the house besides the bedroom, the need to express love in other ways becomes obvious. Many situations will arise in a marriage, which simply having sex, won't fix, repair, or address. We all know it's possible to have sex without love. If there is a difference between sex and love, why are the two often confused?
For example, when people speak of sexual intercourse they sometimes refer to it as "making love." Or, a young man may try to pressure his girlfriend into having sex with him by saying, "If you love me, you'd have sex with me. A question every young person who is thinking about marriage should ask, (and those who are married", is what the difference between love and sexual desire is. Love and sex is NOT the same thing. Love is an emotion or a feeling.
There is no one definition of love because the word "love" can mean many different things to many different people. Sex, on the other hand, is a biological event. It should be kept in mind, as good as sex is, there are many things, in a relationship sex will not fix. Many young people today, who enter a relationship, often confuse strong sexual desire with love, there is a difference.
Much of the advice given to young people, concerning sexual matters, by those who are in ministry, concerning the degree to which a person's sexual desire affects them, oftentimes is not accurate. This is not to say that those who give this erroneous advice, do so with any malice or intent to deceive. All of us in ministry, (including this author) who gives advice in regards to sexual desire, need to be careful, least we give erroneous council, which is based on the degree of our own sexual desires and need, as opposed to what the Bible teaches.
When it comes to sexual desire young people should keep in that, that, we are different, we all don't have the same degree of need or desire. Both Christ and the Apostle Paul taught this doctrine, but many today in ministry overlook or downplay what this fact. The fact we don't all have the same degree of sexual desire, was first emphasized by Christ, then later on by the apostle Paul.
One day when Jesus was teaching his disciples about the seriousness of the wedding vow, they responded by saying, if this was the case, it was better that a man did not marry, but stay single. Jesus then told them that not everyone could stay single. 10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. 11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. Matt 10:11-12.
Jesus told them that not all men were able to accept a celibate (single) lifestyle. He said they had to be given this ability. Christ went on to say that one of the main determining factor as to whether or not a person should stay single was the degree of their sexual need. What Jesus was saying is, not everyone has the same degree of sexual desire.
In this teaching, Jesus placed men into four categories in regards to their sexual needs and abilities. 11 But he said unto them All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. 12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and #4. there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. Matt 10:11-12.
The apostle Paul taught along the same lines as Christ when it came to a person's sexuality. Paul said he fit into the category of individuals, who by an act of their will (he called it a gift), could live a celibate life, without much strong sexual desire (#4. there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake).
Paul said he wished the saints could stay single, as he was, so that they could labor more effectively in the ministry. Paul then said the ability to be celibate, and not be bothered with overwhelming sexual desires, was a gift that not everyone had. 7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. Paul went to say, using the same terminology as Chrsit used, 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. Which is exactly what Jesus said. Everyone can't receive the saying not to marry 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. 1st Cor 7:7-9 Paul said "if they cannot contain themselves" they should get married.
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