Welcome to part two of this study-- Very often people who face or have gone through a divorce feel hopeless. Sadly, many who turn to the church for help feel rejected, not welcomed.  Even if one party is innocent of any major infraction,  they are often treated, with the same degree of condemnation, as the guilty party.  Many who have gone through a divorce, express that they felt like a shunned outcast, even if they were the spouse left behind. Sometimes this is only a perception, but sometimes it (the shunning) is very real.

      Tragically, many of the generals in the Christian army, have taught. The soldiers of Christ to shoot its wounded.  It is true that the Scriptures teaches that God hates divorce, but just because He hates divorce doesn't mean He hates the divorcee. He loves the divorcee. God hates divorce for many of the same reasons the divorcee hates divorce--most of all, for the pain and suffering it causes in so many lives. There is no doubt that divorce always results from sin, but even for the guilty party, it is not the unforgivabl sin.                                                                                                                          

A WORD TO THE GUILTY PARTY-- Then there are those who through their own sinfulness instigated conduct which eventually lead to a divorce. There are many cases where the person who is in a second marriage, got there because they as the guilty party, wrongfully ended their first marriage. I have seen cases such as this where the guilty party abused their spouse, or was continually unfaithful, (in some cases they did both). After the guilty party divorced their spouse, they then got remarried.  Many individuals who get saved has this as part of their past life history résumé, they were the guilty party (abuser, adulterer, etc) who caused the dissolution of their first marriage. 

      There are many who when they came to Christ, were in a second marriage which came about as a result of their own sinfulness.  These individuals often find themselves going from condemnation to condemnation, by some in the church. Divorce and remarriage, when committed in this manner, which were outside the provisions for divorce and remarriage as outlined in the word, can be classed as a sinful act. But like any other sins, they can be forgiven and the believer cleansed. Once a person has come to Christ, all sins are forgiven.  

There are some who teach that believers whose marriage ended because or their abuse or infidelity have not right to be in a second marriage. Some go so far as to say that as long as the believer who is the guilty party stays in their second marriage they are living in adultery. (because they were the guilty party in causing the breakup of their first marriage).  All who teach this do so in error,  they are ignoring God's provision of mercy.  

    There is mercy after divorce, even for the guilty party.  Perhaps you're feeling guilty after your divorce, you may feel even worse because you have guilt eating away at you. So, what does the guilt mean and what can you do about it? We feel guilty when we have done something wrong or in the case of divorce, when we have done something to our ex spouses that contributed to the divorce or was the complete cause of the divorce.

     In this case, it can be really difficult to get over the guilt and move on, but it can be done. The first things you need to do is think of the reason you're feeling guilty. What did you do or what did you say that is making you feel guilty now? Think of the thing you have done and then accept it. This is very important - you need to accept the fact that you did whatever it was you did so that you can move on with your life.  Next, you need to realize that everyone falls short and that you are human. Now, you need to take the thing that you're feeling guilty over and use it to improve your life.

      When person who has ended their marriage due to their sinful conduct and is remarried comes to God to be saved, and God saves them. The Bible does say God hates divorce, but He also loves those who have been divorced enough to forgive them.  Somewhere along the line some who claim to represent the holiness of God, have forgotten about or fail to understand the power of the mercy of God. 

Satistics tells us that the divorce rate for those who go a second time around the track is even higher than those who are only have been married once. Pastor Roderick C. Meredith gives us this hard reality, "The breakdown of marriage and family in our western societies is by now legendary. The statistics are terrible, but would be much worse were it not for the millions of couples choosing to live together nowadays without benefit of marriage. Since there never was a marriage, neither is there a recorded divorce if these couples break up,   which they do even more quickly than those who bothered to get married. Even so, Associated Press recently reported that some 19.4 million American adults are currently divorced, representing 9.8 percent of the population.

      So nearly one out of ten American adults is now divorced! However, of course, many others were previously divorced but have since remarried. By any estimate, tens of millions of Americans have at one time or another gone through the trauma of divorce, and other tens of millions have been deeply hurt by divorce:  children, close relatives, friends and associates.

   It is sad to say, but divorce is "as American as apple pie!" But what does God have to say about divorce and about the real meaning and purpose of marriage? This is vital to understand. For history shows us that any nation whose society allows or causes its families to come apart soon begins to disintegrate. Most historians note that "the breakdown of the family" was one of the symptoms, if not causes, of the fall of the Roman Empire.

       And in our newspapers, we read countless articles describing how young people in fatherless homes tend to turn to drugs, illicit sex and crime far more than do those raised in stable families. In fact, roughly 20 million American children under 18 years of age in the United States live with just one parent. This represents 28 percent of all children. The majority of these,  84 percent,   live with their mother. In other words, approximately 17 million American children live in fatherless homes!  

Under normal marital circumstances, divorce is never what God wants, but Jesus teaches us that we have a God of second chances--a God of forgiveness. When we trust in Christ and confess our sins to the Lord, we begin to realize He loves us and forgives us completely. We can find that total and complete healing in the person of Jesus Christ.  To those who have gone through the trauma of a divorce,  For those who have gone through the excruciating guilt of having to face the reality that they were the main perpetrator, which caused the disintegration of their family. For those who are now remarried and seeking to let the past be the past.

Pastor David Harris, gives these words of comfort,  "The devil is the divider of homes and the destroyer of hearts.  The devil is a liar. The devil will tell divorced people: you are  trash, second class; it's over for you; you have no future. Do not let the devil's lies go unchallenged.  When the devil tempts you to think that you are unlovable, unattractive and inferior, rise up and tell him that God  loves you unconditionally, that God made you, that God don't make no junk, and that God has made you worthy by the blood of His Son!  When the devil taunts you by prophesying that you are going under, that no one will notice whether you live or die,  rise up and tell him that you are God's masterpiece, personally handcrafted for a special purpose, that nothing will  separate you from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus your Lord, that God will supply all your needs.  

     When the devil mocks you by reminding you of your past and all your failures and scorns you by telling you that you are a failure at life. You should rise up and tell him that the blood of Jesus has made you a brand new creature, that God has no record of your sin.  If you know that you are a child of God, rest in the fact, that He who began a good work in you will  complete it, and that you are increasing in the wisdom of God! If you want a new beginning, do these four things. First, adopt God's opinion of you. See yourself as God does.

   Get rid of all negative thinking about yourself. Base your self- image on unchanging trust Second, look at what you've got left, not at what you've lost. Focus on your possibilities, not on your past. Dream with God' s ability factored in. Have a positive, optimistic outlook on life by including God and His promises. Third, use your mouth to prophesy good over yourself. When your mouth lines up with God's Word, the Holy Spirit will go  to work to change your life.  Fourth, find a pastor after God's own heart to help you rebuild your life. Every believer, without exception, needs a local church and a pastor. That means YOU!"

It is not our intent to promote divorce, but it is our intent to minister to each individual, at the station of life they now find themselves at.  For some, this means encouraging them to work at making the marriage work that they are now in.  For others, (divorcees) this means encouraging them to come out of their live in relationship (shacking), and gets married, as God leads.  For others this means comforting them in the fact, that they did try to make it work, yet they could not do it without help from the wayward spouse who wanted no part of the marital building process.  

    For others it's helping them to accept the fact that there is nothing else they can do their ex-spouse is now remarried and going on with their life, therefore they should do the same.  For others it's helping them to find renewed hope in God.  This is due to the fact that some within certain church settings have used certain Bible verses to shun them because of their divorce and remarriage. A very real Satan the Devil is doing all he can to obliterate the concept of a godly family.  Not only does this applies to a once married husband and wife, but to any couple (second time married included) who are at present, seeking to apply God's principles. 

When it comes to divorce and remarriage, there is a great deal of debate and controversy.  We list a few of the many views and opinions.  CLICK THE NEXT TAB TO ADVANCE THE SLIDES BELOW.

ARE THERE VALID GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE??---- We will take a very close look at these various views.  We will also ermine the scriptures many quote to validate their no divorce or remarriage stance.  But we will first show that the Bible does give space for divorce and remarriage.  Dr. Jack MacArthur  explains,    "The only New Testament grounds for divorce are sexual sin or desertion by an unbeliever. The first is found in Jesus' use of the Greek word porneia, ⁹ And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication,  (PORNEIA) and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.  Matt 19:9.     PORNEIA----This is a general term that encompasses sexual sin such as adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, and incest. When one partner violates the unity and intimacy of a marriage by sexual sin?and forsakes his or her covenant obligation?the faithful partner is placed in an extremely difficult situation. After all means are exhausted to bring the sinning partner to repentance, the Bible permits release for the faithful partner through divorce (Matt. 5:32; 1 Cor. 7:15).

The second reason for permitting a divorce is in cases where an unbelieving mate does not desire to live with his or her believing spouse. ¹⁵ But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.1 Cor. 7:12-15.   Because "God has called us to peace"  divorce is allowed and may be preferable in such situations. When an unbeliever desires to leave, trying to keep him or her in the marriage may only create greater tension and conflict. Also, if the unbeliever leaves the marital relationship permanently but is not willing to file for divorce, perhaps because of lifestyle, irresponsibility, or to avoid monetary obligations, then the believer is in an impossible situation of having legal and moral obligations that he or she cannot fulfill. Because "the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases" (1 Cor. 7:15),  and is therefore no longer obligated to remain married, the believer may file for divorce without fearing the displeasure of God. 

Pre-conversion Divorce-- According to 1 Corinthians 7:20-27, there is nothing in salvation that demands a particular social or marital status. The Apostle Paul, therefore, instructs believers to recognize that God providentially allows the circumstances they find themselves in when they come to Christ. If they were called while married, then they are not required to seek a divorce (even though divorce may be permitted on biblical grounds). If they were called while divorced, and cannot be reconciled to their former spouse because that spouse is an unbeliever or is remarried, then they are free to either remain single or be remarried to another believer (1 Cor. 7:39; 2 Cor. 6:14)."                                                      

What about Believers who divorce believers?  As we said earlier, within the Church, there are three groups of people, so far as marital status is concerned, which are sub-divided as follows: Group #1. "{unmarried" never been married. widowed.  Divorced}  Group #2. {The believer married to another believer}. And Group   #3. {The believer married to an unbeliever}. Most agree that according to scripture, two truly born again believers, {Group #2. The believer married to another believer},  should have no grounds for divorce.  Yet there are cases where those in this group do get divorced and remarried. Some would frown o believers who do this, saying they are going contrary to Scripture.  In some cases this is true, for example, a truly born again believer can actually backslide, and commit adultery.  While in this state, adulterous backslidden state, this believer may actually forsake their faithful believing spouse and marry someone else. 

This same backslidden believer may then actually repent and   turn back to God.  The fact that they have repented, does not negate the fact that thy are now remarried.  Thus some may wonder how God deals with this believer.  Then there are cases where two professing believers get divorced, on grounds such as irreconcilable difference.  These grounds perplex the casual observer, in that it is wondered, how can two professing believers have irreconcilable difference??   It should be kept in mind, that just because a person publicly professes to be a believer does not always translate into a true conversion experience, or the Christ like lifestyle, that should accompany it. 

   There are some cases were one believer finds out after they marry another alleged "believers"  that the person they married were not who they claimed to be.   To categorize an individual as "born again" because of they signed a pledge card, or made a verbal affirmation of faith, fails to recognize a solemn truth?not everyone who professes eternal life actually possesses eternal life. Jesus Himself said that many would come to Him on the day of judgment, calling Him, "Lord, Lord" and fully expecting to inherit eternal life, only to be told that they never knew Him (Matt 7:21-23).

  In fact, Scripture is replete with warnings to those who confess Christ with their mouths but do not possess genuine, saving faith.  There is no denying the fact that some truly born again believers, have done things, marriage wise which was contrary to God's guidelines.  When this occurs, there is no justification for these actions.  All a believers who has fallen short in this area, can do is humble themselves, ask God for forgiveness, and go on with their lives.  Repentance and Forgiveness--- Again Dr. Jack MacArthur  explains, " In cases where divorce took place on unbiblical grounds and the guilty partner later repents, the grace of God is operative at the point of repentance.

    A sign of true repentance will be a desire to implement 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, which would involve a willingness to pursue reconciliation with his or her former spouse, if that is possible. If reconciliation is not possible, however, because the former spouse is an unbeliever or is remarried, then the forgiven believer could pursue another relationship under the careful guidance and counsel of church leadership.  In cases where a believer obtained a divorce on unbiblical grounds and remarried, he or she is guilty of the sin of adultery until that sin is confessed (Mark 10:11-12). God does forgive that sin immediately when repentance takes place, and there is nothing in Scripture to indicate anything other than that. From that point on the believer should continue in his or her current marriage."

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